Deep within her lies the monster.

Happy camper,that’s who she had been before life dug its claws through her soul. Every scratch taking with it every little will to live. She is the introvert with nothing to share,whose heart is breaking with every passing second. She is the loner girl always embracing herself by the river.For the river knows not to mock nor to judge,its her confidant. For there, her tears are never seen,her cries are never heard nor her pain felt.By the river,that’s where her debts are paid.


She had flapped her wings to fly,but he had soaked them heavy. She had meant to flee but he had tied her down. With his tongue,came truthful lie. He had caressed her body and rendered it venomous.His tongue dipped in her mouth,chocking her,leaving her breathless. He had sucked every means of empathy out of her breasts and every thrust he had made in her deposited monstrous seeds.She had wanted to scream,to fight,to free herself from the chains but he had chocked her with impunity,taken her innocence away.She had clung unto herself washing the sin with her tears hoping against hope that she would make it out alive.And when she finally had the strength to take a hop he had ruthlessly burnt away her wings.


She got caught up in her own aura.Living more under her own reflection and paying tribute to her own shadow.Every passing second she found herself praying to a God she didn’t believe in hoping that maybe faith was what she needed.She had grown apathetic and a stranger to a little world of her own she had created. And when she finally saw that little body go down the stream,it suddenly dawned on her that there was no innocence. There was no supreme being,there was no angels,there was no heaven…just  choices,options and decisions.


So she kept the little secret hidden within herself.She grew more protective of her demons than of her own will to live.She knew better than to let go of the only friends she had when no one was around.The only friends who really and truly mattered.All her humanity had abandoned her.

Deep within her laid the monster.



blogShe had looked vulnerably delicate,her little baby legs effortlessly swaying in the air.He smiled to himself wondering if she ever tires.He swiftly and gently pulled her little baby fingers away from her mouth,and watched them coil warmly around his index finger.With her skin beautiful and soft as the wings of a butterfly and with her eyes barely able to focus,he had kissed her left cheek when no one was watching.And when he had picked her and positioned her on his five years old lap,she had made an impact on him for the first time.With her comfortable relaxed self,she had fallen in love with him before they met.All this ran through his mind as he gulped down the last drop of his liquor-less bottle.


She stared as he staggeringly made his way to the sofa bed where he laid recklessly.The smell of the liquor choked her,squeezing tears from her eyes.He had been handsome.The decision to marry him had been made by every extant bit of her being.It had taken her breathe away,the thought of somebody wanting to be with her, to explore and learn all about her,somebody needing her,wanting to open doors for her,spend on her and take her to exquisite places.Of course,she had been in a couple of dates before,but he had given a whole new definition to everything.She had made sweet love to him over and over again,and her daughter was the best thing he had ever given him.She had loved him desperately,hopelessly,having a conviction she was only his and him,only hers.She had believed it was written in the stars-their very own constellation up in the heavens mapping and planning their future.Right now though,she thought bitterly, wiping off the last drops of tears,it might have fallen from the sky.


When their eyes met for the first time in a while,he had read contempt in her eyes while she had read despair.She  looked beautiful sitting on the bed half-naked,reminding him of all those stabbing memories where he had made sweet love to her over and over again.It stung his heart that she had decided to let go of his index finger now that he wanted her to hold his entire hand.She looked at him and saw the man she once loved,one who had taught her how to keep her lips the first time she kissed,and how to flatter her body by the compliments he gave.It had been beautiful before it got ugly.

Drunkenly,he jerked at her,with the same speed he had ran after her when the truck came speeding towards her three years ago.He had given her life then,he had taken her life now.and as blood oozed from her pierced neck,she painfully realized that the fire in her eyes whenever he looked at her was still burning bright.Stronger.With her head on his palms,and with tears wiping off the trickling blood, she had wanted to scream “I love you.I always have!” …

But the words had gotten stuck in her throat.Never to speak again.



With his kiss came a taste of deceit.His tongue game gave a new taste to his lies and as he nibbled her lips,she felt her patience fade away.The realization paved way for hatred,loathe and unprecedented animosity.She saw herself as an ethereal being,torn between being an angel and a demon.Maybe she was oblivious of her thirst;-Her thirst for peace,for freedom,for mortality.Her unabated thirst for blood.


His heavy breathe in her ears felt like a summon and his nibbles felt like an invitation to share a dance with the devil.As she dug her teeth in his neck,she felt an insatiable yearn to dig deeper,to devour and let the blood gush upon her face.To wash away her pain,her misery,her unbehagen restless being. “Does bleeding for your lover excite you?”she tightened the straps that now made him her emotionally weak little captive.She let his body hang loosely.With it hang her disrespect,her condemnation,her forfeiture,her will to make things right.But her soul was convinced,he had never learnt.He will never learn.


She felt like a queen,what she had always wanted to be.What she knew she deserved was a crown,but that wasn’t what he had in mind.She explored him with her nails,making sure there was a spot of blood she licked.She always felt he underestimated her overt desire to be mean,be wicked.To make him pay for each second he added up to her misery,for each tear that fell unnoticed,for all the time she made her feel forsaken and unappreciated


She could see his frayed nerves and his desire to break free.How inconsiderate of him never to have seen hers! She inattentively let the dagger drop down to his crotch incessantly.Her heart getting excited as her tongue felt the metallic taste of his hot blood.She let out a malicious grin.

“Am not planning to kill you.Not unless,of course… die.”


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It was 14th of February,valentines day.

I would have loved to talk about the blue clear sky,the bright warm sun that shone on my face that day.Maybe write about the excitement that engulfed me at the sight of a new dawn and at the thought of spending it wholly with you.Laying by your side,breathing the same air in a close range.Maybe write about the youthfulness and the glow that willingly embraced me since that beautiful day you walked into my life and welcomed me to yours.Where is the motivation?

I would love to write of our story.The days that wouldn’t have been any better.From my frequent tantrums to get your attention,to my random mood swings that you had gotten used to over time,to my love for arguments over petty things that you had always let me win,to those silly pictures i drew of you i and those random silly poems i wrote you just to remind you of how special you are.Maybe write about those surprises you pulled on me,especially those random get aways and sex on the beach,your love for traditional African food and your over ambitious self,your desire to be a good father and an awesome husband.

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I chose not to write of that anonymous call,or of the look on my face when i saw you lying on the ground.I don’t want to talk about how hard and how much i fought the tears,how futile my efforts were in stopping them from falling.I chose not to write about the pain and the hollowness that settled in my heart.It was evident that your were beyond recognition,but i still recognized those eyes in which i saw my whole future in.Those eyes full of innocence and sincerity,faithfulness and honesty.The look of the man who wouldn’t put anything or anyone in the world above me.I saw the lips of the man i kissed every morning and every night.Those that spoke the best to me,and wished me better than anyone ever did.The only lips that gave me assurance and certainty,hope and patience.I still remember the lips that joyfully kissed me one evening,lifted in the air,looking at them move “lets call her Roxanne.Roxanne Meagan.”

I chose not to write about my helpless self as i stared into space as you lay motionless.The pain that tore me apart and reduced my soul to empty and void.The blurred visions as she covered you up,and the deafening voices of people around me.The crippled self as i sank to the ground.The voices in me that were never heard,the many words that were never said.The story that i never told and the life in me that died with you.pic 3 ness

So i write of silhoutte and of my demons.The only beings that seem to understand me.I cant quite tell the look of the sun anymore,or the voices of the wind.Everything is at a stand still.The motion of this wheelchair is the only thing i relate to,so are the unending screams that its time.Time for me to follow you.



Most people believe a gold digger is a female who likes money.lemme just say love,cos like is an i checked this name up because it caught my attention.According to Wikipedia,a gold digger is a person,usually female,who cultivates a personal relationship in order to attain wealth.I still don’t understand why our men keep calling our girls gold diggers.

For starters,why call a lady a gold digger if the two of you are not in a solid relationship? why call her a gold digger if you are a broke ass nigga? what is she gaining from you? I would personally take it as an offense when any broke ass nigga calls a beautiful,classy,extremely hot bodied  female a gold digger.

She leaves you for someone better and you call her a gold digger? listen carefully young man,this poor lady gave you her beautiful self.She chose to spend hours making up her face,making it all neat and barbie like for you.She purchases all kind of expensive make up just to make sure she looks dope.This lady hits the gym,cuts off her regular meal intake to keep fit.At the end,she acquires this killer body that you are head over heels for.This same lady will stretch her budget in order to look sexy,classy and of course,trendy.And what do you offer after this,love????

Love is important,yes.Nobody can deny this.What though is the importance of emotions without actions? Is love going to maintain her sexy self? Is it the one you going to brag to your friends you got? Is love going to pay the mortgages?Is it going to pay the bills? Is going to take care of a kid in case it comes unexpectedly?

The poor lady just gives you too much of herself.As a man,all you can do is work hard enough to climb the social lane.You talking about love.FUCK LOVE.That’s just a sorry excuse to give to cover your broke ass.

First and foremost,don’t bite what you can’t chew.If you cant handle that mature lady,kindly get your broke ass away from her.There are a million and one girls out there.Maybe your rib wasn’t exactly soaked when it rained as you think.Kindly stop calling that classy lady materialistic or a gold digger.

She is not materialistic or a gold digger,She just is not the one for you.Kindly leave that poor lady alone.She is just wise and intelligent enough to pick her future right.She refuses to walk towards extreme case of future poverty with her eyes wide opened.If you cant give the lady what she wants,STOP CALLING HER A GOLD DIGGER.